"Lunch Break"

I need to be honest with you, the web wide web (not that my blog is by any means popular) . . . I have been a terrible sport this week. Monday was amazing. I got to spend time with my adopted family and church family peeps. I decided at 9:30 Monday evening that I don't want to go to "work" this week. I wanted time to freeze time to sulk in the moment. The fireworks burst while I laid in the hammock with my friend's adorable 5 year old, I begged God to let it last. (The fireworks did seem longer that Independence Day.) But, alas, Tuesday morning came.

Do not get me wrong, I love my job. I love the children. It is incredible that I get to do this (and get paid to do it).

Time is going too fast. I want to just rest. I want to be able to chill in a hammock. I want to have hours of conversation with friends. So I began whining, in my own in head, "I have to do this and do that . . . and have energy to, of course, do that." I was not being very obedient to my Lord this week.

I have been half-heartedly trying to psyche myself in to being excited about the next two weeks. (For real, I have the opportunity to share with 100+ children the love of God and make incredible memories.) My volunteers the next two week "don't care" how tired I am or why I am tired. Because it is not about me! The beginning to one of the Bible Stories I will be sharing next week is, "I am so glad you are here today. I am so excited to share with about the amazing God I love and follow. I am want to share with you about God and all things He has done and about how much Jesus loves you." (Something like that.) I pretty much failed that one when I went to present my presentation for feedback this morning. She asked me, "Do you really want the kids to get it?"  

"Well, of course."

Basically, she replied, "Then prove it to me. Because what I am seeing now is not going to work." Later she said to me, "Today is going to be fun."

My mental response was, "Liar!" (all dramatic like) "Do you know what I have to do this day? And it is Friday! I did not finish my to do list . . . Are you trying to hypnotize me?" Verbal response, "What?"

"Today is going to be fun."

Dude. Valid. My attitude had made my week dreadful. In 2 Corinthians 10:3-7, it states:

³ For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, ⁵ casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, ⁶ and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.⁷ Do you look at things according to the outward appearance? If anyone is convinced in himself that he is Christ’s, let him again consider this in himself, that just as he is Christ’s, even so weare Christ’s.


Therefore this weekend I shall "die to myself (to my selfish desires)" and be transformed by the renewing of my mind. For this life is not mine, I chose to give it up. "To live is Christ and to die is gain." - Wish me luck. :)

It's Raining =)

Dear Reader,

For the past two days I have had some really great thoughts I wanted to share with you. Really, they were good. Due to the lack of internet access and the desire to sleep when I get home, I have failed you. I wanted to share about my Wednesday. For on Wednesday, I took my children to on Field Trip to an art museum and a natural history museum. The day was long. It started at 6:45 and ended around 10:30. It was hot and really cold. There was an incident with a charter bus getting stuck.  I am also pretty sure not even extra strength Febreeze is going to help my polo shirt be wearable tomorrow. (I forgot to get a second one today. Oops.) But on Wednesday I almost died. (I'm being dramatic. Just do NOT tell the student driver to turn left onto Classen BLVD from the Northwest Expressway.)

On Thursday evening, well, I was making flashcards and cutting laminated flashcards for many hours. Lucky for me I got to do with awesome people. I'm not just saying that because they might be reading my blog. For real - the best group with whom I have had the privilege to work.

I wish I could remember the analogy used in a team meeting this morning. It was really good. Oh well. I must finish this. There is only 25% power on the battery of this computer, tomorrow is a long day, and I need am getting sleepy.

-Nev

Poll - How can you tell if Nevan is stressing?

More on Education

I like to learn something everyday. Sometimes it is little, like the favorite color of a friend or a random fact. Pero - sometimes it is huge - earth shattering, even. This happened. I learned something -  something about myself that has changed my world. Years ago someone told me that I am good writer. I chose not to believe him. I had already decided years before that writing was not really my cup of tea. It was my freshman year of college during or shortly after my first college level English class. I earned a D.
I may be blame absences or whatever, but the fact is I never received a decent grade on any paper the whole semester.  (Here's a secret: I say that I didn't do homework. But that fact is I do, with exception for math classes for I do not like to waste my time*. I just don't always turn it in.) See, my last year in high school I had some amazing teachers who inspired me to want to write. I liked writing. Then college happened. I was a baby writer at that point, trying to find my style.  It was at this time that I chose to not be a writer.

I know. I have a blog. I had a xanga page. I get it. Regardless, writing is scary.

 - - -

At work I have been developing curriculum for tutoring. I started doing it to provide an excellent (or at least decent) tutoring time at my site. Left turn at email the boss, and know I am working on developing a few hundred lessons. Don't be too impressed it is a long project with various people working it. Either way, I submitted my first six lessons on Monday. Shortly thereafter my boss told me the lessons were excellent. Perhaps it was not the actual writing that is good- editing is not my friend. I will take the compliment on having good ideas. Grammar is one thing - but ideas cannot be taught. I was excited. 

Education

Some one once said to me "Don't let schooling interfere with your education." Which was great advice while I was in school, but now I haven't this excuse. In the last two and half years since ending my 22 year career of being a "student" I feel as if I almost wasted the thousands of dollars spent on my degrees. Not that this deters me from wanting go back to a Master's degree. However, I reflect positively on my "life experience" opportunity before going back to school. Going straight from undergrad schooling to graduate level work without this break would have, in my opinion, been a severe waste of money. I cannot imagine living for 26-27 years with 25 years of school and have such limited opportunity to use it. What is the value in that? What is the point of gaining knowledge without allowing the skills and information to overflow from to you?

I dare to say that it would have been a selfish move to continue in schooling. I spent years learning God's Word and how to care for people, yet had I not stopped "learning" to do it, what would the point have been. Not that I even ceased to exist in a community while in school, but the realization and actualization of my "education" over the last two and half years has been incredible.

One day I shall return to the campus of a university and work toward earning a Masters degree, but what would the point be if did not take the time to understand the people I say I love and desire to serve. If I choose not to learn first hand how people behave and respond, I have wasted a lot of money and, more importantly, time.

Guess Where I Am?

Yes, I am at Ihop again, with the same server, doing the same thing.

I revel (not the loud, drunken kind) in days where things just go smoothly.  For me that was today. However, yesterday is quite a different story! I know not to ask for patience and grace as components for personal growth. (I write that in jest.) In Proverbs 12:1 "Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is a fool." After the chaos of my Wednesday, there was much that needed to discussed. There was a time in my life that I would have wanted to runaway, hide and completely avoid facing the things that I could have differently to make life a bit easier. But this morning, was not that day. Having to see the defects and flaws in one's life causes discomfort, but how much more uncomfortable is not being shown how to improve. It would be silly to say "I have been doing this for 50 years" and finding out that for 50 years you had been doing it wrong, when someone could have simply corrected you.

Don't get me wrong, here. I do not think we should go around inappropriately revealing the flaws of all we come across. But when you are humbly blessed with a situation that allows for you to help someone become a better person, TAKE the opportunity. The fear of someone being a little upset is not a good enough reason. One my favorite things about my boss is that she corrects me. Yes, it is embarrassing to make a mistake. Having your faults pointed out make you vulnerable, understandable. Think about this, what if your pants were unzipped and no one told you. Then you had to do something in front of a large group of people. The embarrassment factor just increase substantially. Or a splinter: it hurts to remove a split, for a moment, but the taking care of it correctly keeps the wound from getting worse. Now I am still not a perfect person after having been shown my faults, but let's hope I am better person for it.

BTW This time I worked on my lesson plans before getting on the internet. 

Golly Deer

The last time I was Ihop this late was when I was filling out the application for my current job. (That was one process of an application 8-) But here I find myself three months later, exhausted, a little sick, sitting at Ihop working (more like I will be working a few minutes), the same waitress and now with something sticky on my jeans from the bottom of the table. Sick. Not of fan of sticky. Coincidentally, I am now reminded of the theme for the lesson I should be planning-bees. I am not sure how I have gotten so far behind. I shall blame genetics. *Oh how I enjoy baby pancakes.*

I am going to finish my lesson plan that is due tomorrow. I don't understand naturally organized people. I am not sure how I would function if there wasn't a light level of chaos in my life.

Asi es la vida--para mi.

For real, I haven't a thing left to say about this subject matter. Adios

pedestals

quintessential you
unfamiliar acquaintance
attainable me

I am a harlot.

And I don't mean the nymphomania type, but a harlot none the less. I am unfaithful. There is little in this world that can cause me to fall into this like the issue of money to be only magnified by the fact that I rely on the generosity of strangers to provide the money on which I need to survive.

The other day as I began work I had a spirit of anxiety hovering in heart. Things were slow as the restaurant had been for the last week or so. I only made $38 in my two previous shifts combined. I was hoping to catch up for it was Friday evening. I don't have a car again so I was thirty minutes late to work. (Thirty minutes in this business can be an extra $20 dollars in your pocket.) The longer I as there the more anxious I became. I finally "got a table", two in fact. Then three. T1 leaves-11%ish. T2-0%. (Then we subtract tip share and I earned a whopping 3.5% of my total sales. Translate this into dollars/hour, I earned a grand total of $4.28 for the first hour I worked.) 

By this point I felt completely defeated. I am a good server. Not the best, by far. But I am good. There have been times when something happens and I completely understand why someone would want to leave me a little tip. But then there are those times when it just doesn't not make sense. Greeting was good, drinks were perfect, food came out quickly, extra napkins, straws, kindness, I said "thank you" and "your welcome", I gave change in a combination of 1s and 5s so that there was an adequate number of bills to leave me a 3% to 33% tip. At this rate there is no way I can afford to have an apartment.

As I began to lose hope in humanity, T3 returns to me the credit card receipt and said "I am sorry. I normally bring enough money to leave a decent tip in cash, but I don't have enough tonight. So I had to leave a tip on the credit card. I am sorry." I politely said "thank you very much. I hope you have a pleasant evening," while thinking to myself, 'great. another sucky *** tip'.  I walked back to the wait station before looking at the numbers just in case it brought me to tears. The whole time thinking, 'I can't do this. I am just not earning enough money. People are jerks." I know times are tough. They are tough for me too. I am not demanding your money. It is part of it.

"Tips" means, "to insure proper service". I can almost guarantee I earn 18%-20% regularly because I pretend that is what I am going to make at every table. I give them that kind of service preempting a positive response on the part of the person in which I am serving, taking into account the all the various wants of table. Some people want business only, almost as if we are not people, which is okay. Some want to chat for 20 minutes and tell their life story, like I am there one and only friend, which is okay.

When I opened the receipt, I saw an almost 40% tip glaring back. Then in what I might have sworn was an audible voice, "Nevan, I will take care of you. Are you not more precious than the sparrow?" Oh, snap. I am a harlot.

I don't talk to Him. I curse His Name. I do not bring glory, honor, or praiseworthy things but shame and filth as offerings. Yet, He is always faithful. Then we act accordingly, when we are obedient, we became the hands that help another. The hands are remind another that God is faithful and all-loving, that He has not forgotten about us.  Disobedience to Christ is reflected as selfishness. I challenge for myself is to faithfully give to other, resting in the knowledge that God will give to me and provide me with all that I need.

I wish that I could explain to you the predicament in which I have found myself. No creo que no puedo. No sé por que. No obstante, voy a probar.  I have been in the United States for 20 days and 1 hour. (Minus the time I spent in the Houston Airport. I am not counting it because it is an airport.) My mind is racing. It is constantly on go. This  constantness is making my teeth hurt. (Or that is the sinus pressure from the constant AC, either way.) What I am suppose to do with my life now?

Big Plans

This is not super concrete, but Amanda and I are going to start baking cupcakes and selling them. The cupcakes are going to über cute and super delicious! Everything from Simple Vanilla with Buttercream to Vanilla Latte to Beary Chocolate to holiday themes for our favorite time of the year....October-December. Then in 10 years we are going to open a store selling our wonderful baked goods, fabulous coffee and tea, and cute crafty things, like buttons and paintings and scarves. It is going to awesome as a true teen from the recent turn of the century would say.

Blueberry Muffins

Sweet Potato Pie

BUTTONS!

Faux Sushi

Latte Art

The Master Minds

Post 100!

So this has been an interesting week. Last night I stayed awake way tooo late after having to be up at 5 am to catch the bus to the office. Next week we have Field Based Training so I will be away from the internet. I am really excited to see more of Guatemala and practice my spanish. I will be giving two or three presentations in spanish. I am bit nervous, but it should be good. I want to go read the Marlett´s blog so later.

Camionetas, Thanksgiving, and Health Class

It was extra fun today. We get on the bus in Santa Lucia Miltas Altas. The buses tend to have a lot people on them. We notice that it is a bit crowded but decided to get on anyway. So we climb in the back. NOTE: I wore a skirt today. Which isn't always a deal, because I am long. I was the last one to get on the bus. I pull myself up with one hand, and use my free hand to hold my skirt close as to not flash the two guys standing there helping people. Because I was more worry about what was going on behind me I didn't notice how low the top of the door was. So I hit my face on the back of the bus at the same time the guy "helping" gives me a push. Translation, hand on my rear. Then as I am actually my way INTO the bus, Zach, another trainee, stops at the first seat. The helper is also closing the door. I am still crouched a bit because I had no where to go. Noticing the door closing quickly behind me, I leap forward a bit, right on top of Zach. To recap, I was violated, hit my head, violated someone and almost lost my foot all in a matter of about two seconds. But I enjoy riding the camionetas. (However my knees/upper shins have permanent bruises from the seats.)


At dinner tonight, my host my asked if I like only like pollo since I don't eat pork and rarely eat red meat (here). I told her I also like turkey. In that process, Thanksgiving gave up in conversation. Inevidably, the question of "why thanksgiving?" was asked. I spent the next five minutes trying to explain the pilgrims, native americans, and the sitaution of the typical story. I tried to explain peole traveling to N.A from England. Why? Because the king started a new church and was mean to them. Oh. Then they had no food. The native people helped them. Thanksgiving! It was fun. I laughed to myself as my host mom (who is 25) looked at somewhat confused by and somewhat interested in the story. All with terribly elementary spanish. Imagine you 4 year old explain the history of Thanksgiving to you. That was me tonight at dinner.
Then of course the start of my wonderful day began when Jorge explained that we were going to mingle with other trainees, teachers, and other staff persons. You know, it doesn't sound so bad until you take into account three facts. 1) Half of the conversations were in spanish. 2) My spanish skills are bajo bajo. 3) My overwhelming fear of talking to new people in new situations about things I don't understand.

After these interactions, I was feeling a bit out of my element and a little drained. It was 10 AM. Meet and chat was followed by health class. Health class is always fun and entertaining. But today we had tiny group projects. They like to get us to do these to teach us how to teach. Which is cool and all. Fast forward about 15/20 minutes. It is my groups turn to present. I have the poster we made. I walk up there expecting others from the group to join.
No one.
(oh sh*. what the beans? i feel tears. oh no.) "I can't read upside down. (someone, please, get up here. if i talk i will burst out into tears.)
A few years later (really like a second) a couple trainees come up. At this point the paper is in front of my face. Dirk help hold the paper as I wipe the tears off my face. I don't know if anyone else saw me crying. Dirk may not have even really known. I am still unsure of who the other person was the came up to present.

When we were done, I left class for a few minutes to regain my composure. The last time I cried because I had talk in front of a group of people I was 16, drama class, monologue from Shakespeares "Much Ado About Nothing".
That is all the fun from today. Mas o menos.

I just learned the translation for "nevermind." No importa . . . that was fun to try to explain . . . should have just looked in the dictionary. whoops.

BTW: No spellcheck. It is in spanish. Lo siento.

Guate and other very important words

don't take the spelling to the bank. and don't correct me in a comment.

Guate-Guatemala City
bolo-drunk person
quetzals-the currency here
tigo-cellphone company
disculpe-excuse me
by-a -okay, mas o menos
creo que si-i think so
gringo-commonly used for anyone with blonde hair or blue/green eyes
cohetes-firecrackers
bombas-really loud firecrackers
muchas gracias/buen provecho-you may now leave the table after the meal
hablo espanol, un poco-i am a gringo and my spanish sucks
sacatepacas-the departmento in which i currently reside
porfav-por favor or please
repite porfav- you are going to have to say that again, because i have no clue the words that just come out of your mouth
la comida es muy rico, pero estoy llena-i don't want anymore!
Estoy consada-i want to be alone, but i am going to tell you that i am tired.
cantina-a place to get a beer
bar-a place to pick up a prostitute
agua pura-clean water, not chorro water
papas fritas-french fries
helado-ice cream

Insert Angry and Cynical Post Here

However I have been serenaded by the Dixie Chicks via Christy's blog. The lullaby song is wonderful. "How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough? Is forever enough? Because I am never never givin' you up."

A few open notes: (The intended recipient is not important, so don't waste you time trying analyze.)

"You have three years from today to figure it out."

"I'm glad the $400 was well spent." (sarcastic)

"Do I love you for 'who' you are or 'what' you do for me?

"You are fabulous, wonderful, delightful. I am glad you were there. Tomorrow would be just awful had you not been there tonight."

"I am hope our friendship mends. I hope the patch makes it stronger"

"Thanks you calming my nerves with the sweet taste of pecans and chocolate."

"Thank you for providing. Sorry that I have failed you today."

"Please just hold me. Please be there when I get home to wrap your arms around me and play with my hair."

"Your coffee is terrible."

"Will you think I am lazy if I don't show up?"

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Gracias."

"Why did you have go and change the flavor? I forge through two seasons with Cinnamon Dolce, you as my focus. You were perfect. Now you are terrible. I hate you. I am repulsed by your taste. I loved you. And this is how you treat me. You deserve to be that ugly orange/brown/vomit color over there on that counter. Though I, too, am a sell out (because of you). I waited for you."

"Don't quit your day job."