I am a harlot.

And I don't mean the nymphomania type, but a harlot none the less. I am unfaithful. There is little in this world that can cause me to fall into this like the issue of money to be only magnified by the fact that I rely on the generosity of strangers to provide the money on which I need to survive.

The other day as I began work I had a spirit of anxiety hovering in heart. Things were slow as the restaurant had been for the last week or so. I only made $38 in my two previous shifts combined. I was hoping to catch up for it was Friday evening. I don't have a car again so I was thirty minutes late to work. (Thirty minutes in this business can be an extra $20 dollars in your pocket.) The longer I as there the more anxious I became. I finally "got a table", two in fact. Then three. T1 leaves-11%ish. T2-0%. (Then we subtract tip share and I earned a whopping 3.5% of my total sales. Translate this into dollars/hour, I earned a grand total of $4.28 for the first hour I worked.) 

By this point I felt completely defeated. I am a good server. Not the best, by far. But I am good. There have been times when something happens and I completely understand why someone would want to leave me a little tip. But then there are those times when it just doesn't not make sense. Greeting was good, drinks were perfect, food came out quickly, extra napkins, straws, kindness, I said "thank you" and "your welcome", I gave change in a combination of 1s and 5s so that there was an adequate number of bills to leave me a 3% to 33% tip. At this rate there is no way I can afford to have an apartment.

As I began to lose hope in humanity, T3 returns to me the credit card receipt and said "I am sorry. I normally bring enough money to leave a decent tip in cash, but I don't have enough tonight. So I had to leave a tip on the credit card. I am sorry." I politely said "thank you very much. I hope you have a pleasant evening," while thinking to myself, 'great. another sucky *** tip'.  I walked back to the wait station before looking at the numbers just in case it brought me to tears. The whole time thinking, 'I can't do this. I am just not earning enough money. People are jerks." I know times are tough. They are tough for me too. I am not demanding your money. It is part of it.

"Tips" means, "to insure proper service". I can almost guarantee I earn 18%-20% regularly because I pretend that is what I am going to make at every table. I give them that kind of service preempting a positive response on the part of the person in which I am serving, taking into account the all the various wants of table. Some people want business only, almost as if we are not people, which is okay. Some want to chat for 20 minutes and tell their life story, like I am there one and only friend, which is okay.

When I opened the receipt, I saw an almost 40% tip glaring back. Then in what I might have sworn was an audible voice, "Nevan, I will take care of you. Are you not more precious than the sparrow?" Oh, snap. I am a harlot.

I don't talk to Him. I curse His Name. I do not bring glory, honor, or praiseworthy things but shame and filth as offerings. Yet, He is always faithful. Then we act accordingly, when we are obedient, we became the hands that help another. The hands are remind another that God is faithful and all-loving, that He has not forgotten about us.  Disobedience to Christ is reflected as selfishness. I challenge for myself is to faithfully give to other, resting in the knowledge that God will give to me and provide me with all that I need.