Spiced Orange Iced Coffee

Try it. Seriously. If you like spicy (robust, flavourful, not capsaicin) and oranges, you will like this. (Also assuming that you enjoy a cup 'o joe as much as I.)

That was simply a bonus side note.

Recently I have decided that I want to be fit and healthy. The battle has been just that, a battle. I love cake. I love chocolate. By love I mean, greatly enjoy consuming. Basically, I like to eat. I like to experience new food and flavours. On this journey I started June 03, 2012, I have dropped to about 210 lbs. For the previous decade I weighed about 240 lbs. The heaviest was 253 lbs in 2006 according to my primary physician. In 2007, I lost some weigh using Weight Watchers for three months getting to 224 lbs. Over a couple years it crept back up to 240 lbs.

Losing weight for my body size and shape was rather discouraging in the first go around. I lost 20 lbs and worn the exact same size as when I started. My friend who was doing it with me also lost 20 lbs. She went from a size 11/12 to a 5/6. I hardly thought that was fair.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR. -dad

On June 03, 2012, I was indulging in a piece of cheesecake left over from a friend's birthday party. I was chatting with my dear friend, Lorena. She lost 50 lbs over about a year and half. She didn't start for any reason other than to support her hubby in his weight loss. As the pounds came off, she liked how she felt. At 46 years old she was in the best shape of her life. Talk about inspiration.

Not many women have been giant their whole lives, like me. Example. Sixth grade - I was wearing an adult 12 in pants. I was about 5'6" or so. I weighed nearly 180 lbs. I wore a size 11 shoe. See giant.

Today I am 211 lbs, wear a 12 or 14, and a size 13 shoe. I am 5'11".

My goal - to be able to the Tough Mudder event in North Carolina the first weekend in November.

So I bought a scale to keep better track of my weight loss progress. I spent way too much on it. After another conversation with my dear friend, Lorena, I was convicted. I am not being a good steward of my finances. I should have gone to Ross and bought a similar scale for half the cost. Why do we have people do this? We set ourselves up for failure.

I want to be healthy. I know that gluten is not good for my overall well being. Yet I regularly eat chocolate chip cookies. I would like to blame that on Chuck for becoming the Otis Spunkmeyer distributor in OK. But really it is a lack of discipline. We know there will be temptations. But we make it worse for ourselves. I knew scales at Ross would be cheaper than Target, yet where did I go to look for one?

I Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man ; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." I Corinthians 10:13

If you are tempted by indulging in delicious baked goods, you do go to Panera or La Bagette to use the WIFI. Come on, now. Don't give the devil a foothold in your recovery.

Defining Moments

Recently, I did something stupid. Stupid may not be the right word, childish might be a better description. The details of the situation are not important. Nor do I want to share my shame with anymore people than those who shared the experience with me. For those who were there, I am sorry. Despite the lingering embarrassment, I learned something. (A lot of somethings, in fact.)

In life, we all defining moments. Moments that change us. Moments that change the perspective in which we see the world. After my embarrassing situation, I became to reflect on my life, my "adolescence", my childhood. There was particular comment that was said during the embarrassing situation that prompted a memory from when I was 5 or 6 years old.

Kindergarten, Carruthers Elementary School, Murphysboro, IL, 1991(ish). Two moments that have shaken my security of being trusted.

Situation A - At our school we had this giant slide. It was at least 100 feet high, from my memory. Over one weekend some neighborhood kids waxed the slide to go faster. When Monday rolled around, the teachers forbade the kindergartners to do down the slide. It was simply too much for the little ones. It was not that big of deal, I was terrified to go up the stairs and the line was always long. So that day, Ebony, Chandra and I played else where. One thing we enjoyed was the little jungle gym near the slide. Chandra and I spent nearly all recess on it, chatting about the problems of the world. After recess we file back into the classroom, right on to reading carpet. The teacher tells us that some kindergartners went down the slide. I knew they were talking about Ebony. Her older sister had talked her into going down the slide. She was a 1st grader. The next thing I know Mrs. Teacher was asking the class, "Who saw Nevan go down the slide?" Everyone raised their hand, except Ebony. What?!? I did not. But the guilty always deny it. I said, "We played near the slide, but I didn't go down it." My objections availed me none. She didn't believe me. 

Situation B - All the students where called on to the reading carpet. We commonly went to the reading carpet before doing something as a group. I joined my fellow students. The teacher, then, posed this question, "Who colored on the floor?" Someone said, "I saw Tiffany and Nevan do it." Then I was asked if I did it. "No," I responded. I couldn't even tell you where it was or what color it was. Mrs. Teacher asked the class, "Who saw Nevan color on the floor?" The rest of the class raised their hands and labeled me as the child who colored on the floor. (The same was repeated with Tiffany.) So during recess, Tiffany and I got to clean up the crayon makings off the linoleum and carpet, despite my whimpering objects to being the responsible party. I still have no clue who colored on the floor that day. It may have been just Tiffany. I don't know. I was not believed.

I was not a perfect child. I lied to my dad once without being caught. The guilt haunts me to this day. Each of my brothers received a spanking (as did I) as a result of my lie. I did things I was not supposed to do. I am not a perfect adult. For example, the embarrassing situation.

Those moments in kindergarten when I was wrongfully accused has altered my trust in other to trust me. I regularly feel the need to defend my "innocence". I often have dreams of being wrongfully accused, having to take responsibility for others' actions. I am not sure at what point gave up trying to defend myself.

So this coupled with my erroneous view on what selfishness is, set the base for that embarrassing situation. From here, I take the lessons I learned and begin to change my thinking. I will choose to believe my friend who said to me, despite the embarrassing situation, "You are where you are at because I trust you. You don't have to prove anything to me. I trust you." (slightly paraphrased) 

some thoughts from last week

Burning yourself with a straightener at 12 is embarrassing. Doing so at 24 is just downright mortifying. I didn’t. But I thought it was funny.

I love days when I get rice and noodles and tortillas as my meal with room temperature juice.

My white socks are the only part of my laundry still moist. And nobody in their right mind likes moist socks. But more importantly, I am paralyzed with fear every time I have to come down from the roof.